1. Women Who Are “Looking”. Real men are unsettled by women who reveal that they are “looking” for a man – whether lover or lifetime marital partner. What do we mean by looking? Well, the sheer desire to have a mate does not constiute looking. Looking is a preoccupation with direct, unsolicited, aggressive, and/or proactive actions that seek to win a mate.
The looking behavior stands out like neon plad suit at an IBM annual meeting. Women who mistakenly imagine the slightest gesture of kindness as a man’s hidden romantic desires that need only her nudging to bring to the surface. Women who run the rolodex of phones, hoping that someone will accept her offers. Women who, out of their sensitivities about appearance, watch ever so closely to wear the tightest-fitting clothing so as to stimulate onlooking males in the same way that female peacocks spread their feathers to attract a male peacock. Looking women are quick to use suggestive language in the company of their friends’ male partners and are slow to shut down inappropriate -overtures that strum the cords of desperate loneliness. Looking women indulge in the kind of suggestive, male ego-stroking exchanges so as to be the center of men’s attention, whether at a social gatherings or on social media sites. Looking women operate with a restlessness about relationships, uncomfortable with simply being within herself, so much so that she takes into her hands the tools and techniques that rightfully are reserved for men.
Just as God placed an internal compass inside a women that prepares her for childbearing, he also equips men with a compass that sets men on a course to seek out, attract, and even work for the hand of a mate. That latter compass is upset when roles reverse. It would be tantamount to a husband conveying his apspirations to have a child or breast feed. Aside from their anatomical impracticalities, the mere aspiration alone is enough to send a woman into questioning the psychological condition of her mate. Translated – are you crazy!
The upsetting of the relationship compass that directs women to think and act like men is troubling. I would be saddened to see either of my 3 daughters ever in a place of “looking” for a man. You are a cherished vessel and created not to search, but rather to be sought. On biblical passage puts it like this: “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. [Proverbs 18: 22]” Every man who comes upon a treasure so deeply desired and sought, finds good in that treasure. The same value can be diminished by how the man and treasure come together. We grow out of the search process itself.
There is value in the work a man endures to find his heart’s desire. If you’ve ever planted a garden, you might attest to the different reaction of plants you can simply purchase at the store and sit in some obscure corner of your house, and those where you had to work the soil, seed the ground, and water the delicate new growth. That first bud gives pleasure that even the prettiest bouquet does not. Just like a planter, the work of finding that “good thing” builds muscle needed to care for the blooming relationship. Perhaps the reason why relationships suffer from atrophy as time progresses is the man has either forefeited or been denied the needed endurance and strength training that comes only by being the seeker and finder.
The axiom, “Looking for love in all that right places”, when applied to women, mght have shined a spotlight on an issue, but used a dull bulb to do it. Generally speaking, there are clearly good and bad places for love to manifest. Notwithstanding exceptions that occur, as a rule a highly discouraged. So, there is merit to the question of good and bad places. But I would suggest that for women to be actively “looking” in any place is inherently problematic for the reasons above stated.
So, what is a woman to do?
Well, first have faith. God constructed men to have a deep-seated yearning to return to the womb from whence he came. This is the one point — and maybe the only one — where I agree with Steve Harvey. Even the most callous playa-playa would find himself in a rubber room if he woke up to find that God had checked-out all the women from planet earth. Men spend dollars for women. Men exercise Alpha-Male gamesmanship over women. Heck, of all the narratives, Homer cast the mythical Trojan War as a battle over a woman – Helen of Troy. If women were not here, every designer from Keneth Cole to Tommy Hilfiger would find their revenues in the tank. I don’t know of many men who burst the piggy bank for clothes to impress other men!
Tlhe point? Looking is getting done. Trust that. God took care of that question at creation. Looking is getting done when women are in their beds counting sheep. Looking is getting done. And don’t let the percentages fool you. Women, you don’t pass on applying for a job because the percentages are not in your favor. Women generally do not pass on childbearing given themisfortune of tragedy during pregnancy or sometime during a child’s life. Why then lose faith that because of some percentages — even female-to-male ratio — that you will not be found? Women lookning is effectively a failure of faith that God’s plan is THE plan.
Hebrew 11:11 says, “But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.”
God designed a system. Thou designed in God’s image, Adam was constructed such that is was not good to be alone. [Gen 2: 18]. God then shapes Eve from Adam’s own frame. He then institutes marriage and makes it holy. He says to Eve that she will assume a posture in submission to the headship of a protector – Adam. And out of this union, God gives us a road map for populating the earth. God then says, “I have written my law upon your hearts. Out of this union, you are to follow my plans.” He then is the beauty. For generations into the distant future, women, who have natural leadership spirit, having come out of Adam, are given both a yearning for children and a yearning to please God by following his plan. That childbearing yearning binds women to a lawful institution of marriage that brings forth children in a way God modeled population plan. As women have the yearning to be “found”, men have the yearning to not be alone.
Have faith. Don’t be fooled by popular culture that would have you to believe that man is nothing more than a sex organ with other parts employed to aide his search for opportunities to use his sex organ. SILLY! Looking is getting done. As for the woman, make yourself “available” by positive thoughts, words, and actions. Be it the job of a real man to find you. Be patient and it will indeed happen.
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