Inside A Real Man’s Thoughts

3. Know your motivations.  For what are you really looking? And why? This is tightly coupled with the previous observation – Consider Your Presentation.

You ever give some thought to the term “mis-direction”? It’s one that appears in so many of our ordinary experiences. A surprise birthday party often requires a pretense of getting the birthday person to a place where guests, food, and gifts are waiting. A football team uses counter plays, double- and triple- options, and play action passing to keep defenses on their heels. Marriage propsals are measured in-part by the element of surprise; the more unsuspecting the better. And the most memorable “who done it” films are those wherein the audience is fooled all the way up to the final scene. One of the most brilliant animals is the chameleon; one of few species that can change colors  bird Mis-direction is a fixture on the mantle of creation.

Mis-direction has it’s rightful places in our lives, but none of those places are named “Relationship”. I know this is beyond you, but can I confess to have stunk up the joint in this area on more than a few occasions. What exactly do we mean by “mis-direction”? Well, its the tendency of claiming to seek one or more attributes in a mate, but secretly desiring, seeking, and accepting others. Mis-direction is a master of political correctness. You know the routine women. You’ve said it or heard it from others, ” I want a partner who is kind, gentle, and caring.” Amazingly, that statement follows by a trip to the local nightclub to turn the head of the guy who’s been on more mattresses than the chief tester at Sealy Posturepedic!

The words you use are confirmed or ring hollow under the microscope of your actions. Your “open to possibilities” will be tested by a real man who will approach you irrespective of age, race, geography, economic stratum, or other differences. If you suggest to the world that you seek honesty, “a good who love the Lord”, or some other virtues, those words will confront you in the rejection real men who meet those standards, but do not live up to the less virtuous hidden desires. That bling-bling standard you conceal behind the pretense of depth. Real men will seek first to discover how true are you to your words.

One of the most profound examples I’ve seen of this is a young lady stating on her profile, “I just found out that I have brain cancer”. Those are not only honest words, but open/transparent ones. She not only speaks of her condition, but her motivations. Namely, she is interested in a man who values the whole person and who cares under challenging circumstances. She would rather be “found” by an ordinary guy with extraordinary compassion than to attract a multi-millionaire who invests on the markets but not in his relationship.

Some have mastered the art of being truthful. Rarely do we find people who truly embrace transparency. The level of authencity extends beyond honesty as it reveals truths not yet solicited. As for the words we use, here are some I am increasingly committed to hang on my frontdoor and offer for yours as well: “Don’t lip service words unless you live them.”

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